Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
