Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Randomize
