Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
