It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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