dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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