i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
