Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
