dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
