I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
