Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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