Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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