Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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