So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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