We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
