He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize