sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
