Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize