I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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