she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
