After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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