So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Farmville is her only friend.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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