big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize