i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize
