Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
