we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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