lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
What drink are we having for lunch?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
