WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
