so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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