Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
