His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize