the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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