I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize