I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
