i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Randomize
