One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
