Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
So much rum. So many feels.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize