I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
