Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize