Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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