watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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