Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
