I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
