woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
