my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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