just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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