oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Hippo gnu deer
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
