I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
