Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
