Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
