I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
