my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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