On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
