Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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