there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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