why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
