the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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