My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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