Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
