I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
