Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
As shirtless as possible
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
