I wannas sexs uuuuu
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize