im six kinds of drunk right now
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
