I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
