Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
