and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Randomize
