i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
