how do flat chested girls get laid?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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