oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
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