At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
FUCK WHALES
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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